Australia is an absolutely wonderful country, but what no one tells you about travelling is how it can change you as a person.
Coming out here I have to admit has had a real toll on me, my relationships, and my dreams for the future. Most of the time I have been left feeling lost, confused and rather insignificant in this brilliant and wondrous place.
I have been yearning for new types of connections, both with others and myself. I have put poor significant through the mill and back, and I haven't been kind to myself.
It's not anything unusual either. Spending late nights chatting with so many other travellers has made me very aware of how important it is to be selfish when travelling. Number 1 first. It's hard, finding a balance between putting yourself before others without leaving marks. It is a tricky path that one must learn to meander when one chooses to travel.
It's also hard when you wake up and decide to be someone new that day. I want to be a musician, I want to get drunk, I want to feel pretty, I want to learn, I want to be alone, I want to stay here and never come out.. I want something but I don't know what it is yet.
You end up trying on all these jumbled feelings that are part of who you are, meeting so many different individuals who leave their delicate marks upon your being along the way and who have a direct effect on who you will decide to wake up as tomorrow.
It is overwhelming, particularly for an over thinker like me. I like to compare myself to an old star. Looks good from a distance, fitting in with all the other stars out there.. but really imploding and self destructing so silently that no one can really see unless they're right close up.
And that's okay. That is completely fine because I will learn. Each day I will learn to love harder, feel better and grow stronger. I will make mistakes, but they will be better mistakes. I will do stupid things and probably laugh and cry, but at least they will be my lessons.
I will just embrace this lost feeling, this feeling of being completely upside down, until I don't feel like that anymore.
I will embrace this wondrous mess that is travelling the unknown.
|Bundaberg Sunrise, QLD Australia - Darcy Dionyves|